Crunch Time

Okay, here's a quick post that will serve as much as a personal checklist as anything else. For those of you who think I've fallen off the face of the planet lately, this will explain quite a bit too. All of this stuff is due sometime between now and May 11th.

• Three Reading Checks
• Six Forum Posts
• Create a Survey & Do Approval Paperwork
• Meta-Analysis Project (Which is absolutely killing me, by the way)
• AA/NA Meeting Paper
• Diagnosis & Treatment Plan
• Eight 2-3 Page Reaction Papers
• 5-7 Page 12-Step Plan Paper
• Four Discussion Board Posts
• A Ton of Wiki Contributions
• Three Essay Assignments
• Six Blogger Responses (estimate)
• Contribute to Ethics Hearing Board Paper/Presentation
• Huge Essay-Based Take-Home Exam

Yeah, I might have procrastinated a little...

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Soul Searching (Continued)

It has been several weeks since I've written anything, and I really shouldn't be writing this now considering how much work I have to do for my classes. But I don't feel like working (surprise, surprise), so I'm writing for myself (and anyone interested enough in me to read this junk) instead of for professors.

So for anyone who didn't know, last weekend I got a surge of spontaneity and decided to hit the road. For no other reason than that I've been to the north, east, and west already in the last month, I decided to head south.   After riding for a couple of hours, I figured I should make a decision on a more specific destination... considered Miami for a bit, but eventually settled on Charleston. And my little vacation was alright... not great, but not terrible either. It was good to get away from Hickory for a while.

If nothing else, my spontaneous vacation gave me plenty of time to drive around, burn through my budget, and lose myself in thought. I did manage to get some work done for class while I was in Charleston, but the assignment required watching Good Will Hunting and it kind of threw me for a loop. Don't get me wrong... Good Will Hunting is an awesome movie. It's classified as a drama and I still like it. That alone speaks to its awesomeness. In fact, Good Will Hunting has one of my favorite movie scenes of all time:



However, as much as I like the movie, certain parts of the film are much more difficult to watch... much more thought provoking. This scene in particular is difficult for me right now:

WARNING: If profanity offends you, don't watch this clip.


I'm going to leave it at that... because if there is a character limit for blogger, I might reach it if I actually write all of this mess down. I mentioned the other day that it's a good thing nobody can read my mind, because they might think I'm unstable. I was joking at the time, but it might not be that far from the truth. Soul searching is good... but it sure hasn't made me feel any more stable lately.

I think I'm going to watch the movie again before I go to bed. Maybe I'm not unstable. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment.

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Soul Searching

I barely slept at all last night, which doesn't bode well for my long drive(s) today. I'll survive, though. Surprisingly, it wasn't depression that kept me up. After the plummet of the last week or so, I feel like I might be on the verge of another upswing. Hopefully, I'll get back to feeling this good. Why the upswing? I'm not sure exactly... but I stumbled on this poem last night...

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

...and my reaction to it almost startled me. I found it to be more reassuring than depressing. Usually, poems like this are really depressing and just a little reassuring, but those feelings were transposed this time for some reason.

The name Jeremy Camp popped into my head late last night too, and I started listening to some of his music. I might not ever listen to it again just because it really isn't my style, but the guy's story is inspiring (especially to me). You can check it out here. What really struck me was how he seemed to use his pain to drive him. I haven't really done that... and I wonder how my life would be different if I let my emotions push me in positive directions instead of just letting them shut me down. I'd like to know what it feels like to be a "renewed man" as Jeremy Camp's website describes him. I'm going to be giving this some serious thought.

I'm not sure exactly what any of this will come to mean in the grand scheme of things... but I'll have plenty of time on the road today for soul searching.

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