>> Friday, January 1, 2010
I don't know if I can accurately express how crappy Christmas has been this year, but I guess it was just the capstone on what I can easily describe as the worst year of my life thus far.
I won't waste more space than that talking about how depressed I've been lately. Onward we go.
2010 has one thing going for it already. It has to be better than 2009. So as I look forward, I'm doing my best to do so with optimism. I'm trusting that God will turn things around for me this year and make me feel useful again. In losing Jenni, I lost a wife and best friend, but I also lost a great deal of my purpose in life. While I'm still unsure of how best to deal with the loneliness, I think God has led me to my new purpose... and I'm looking forward to getting started at Lenoir Rhyne in a few weeks. A degree in counseling will (hopefully) lead me into a more purposeful existence.
Okay, so the new year is beginning, and this one will be better than the last. I've never really made New Years resolutions with any conviction to actually accomplish them, but this year I'm actually going to try. I have three:
- Get out of the house more. While I'm a homebody at heart and would prefer to be here, I recognize the need to be out and about more. I've missed more family gatherings, opportunities to hang out with friends, and opportunities to have fun than I'd like to admit this year... all in the name of either school work or depression.
- Read for class. After the first semester of my freshman year in college, I never bought books for classes. I was intelligent enough to pass without the reading material. Honestly, I think the biggest problem was being a guy in a girl-dominated subject area. Pride and Prejudice? Romeo and Juliet? Wuthering Heights? HECK NO! This counseling stuff, though, actually interests me... and even when it doesn't, I intend to force myself to read it anyway.
- Get back in shape. I don't necessarily need to be in the same shape I was in when I was in high school. I'd be satisfied with the shape I was in back in the spring and summer of '07. Under 200 lbs and not embarrassed to step on the basketball court... those were the good old days. I just need to get back on my old diet: no soft drinks... no fried food... eat Cheerios if I'm hungry and it isn't mealtime. Other than those rules, I ate whatever I wanted and lost 40 lbs in six months. Hopefully I can replicate that success in 2010.